Modern Parenting Strategies: Finding What Works for Your Family

Are you seeking to enhance your parenting skills in today’s fast-paced world? The way we raise children has evolved. As technology and society change, how we raise kids will also change in ways we can’t predict.

It is normal for parents to wonder whether we are doing the right things, are the parenting methods we use working. This is especially true when parenting teenagers that are struggling with emotional and behavioral issues and as our world becomes more complex. Questions like: 

• • What sort of parent are we?

• • What parenting techniques do I use and what should I do instead?

• • Am I being an effective parent to my teenager?

It may be easy to love your children but the question remains, are you a good parent.

Understanding Parenting Strategies & Parenting Spectrum

It is easy to confuse parenting strategy and methods. Parenting strategies are the main ideas and guidelines that shape how we interact with and raise your children. Think of these strategies as a framework for your approach to parenting. 

While we mostly think of parenting strategies in this content as categories, to better understand the concept it’s better to think of them as styles within a parenting spectrum.  

 

Different circumstances may call for a parent to use different styles and approaches. Within the concept of parenting strategies, experts have found that parents tend to rely on a strategy as their primary approach.  

The four parenting strategies in the parenting spectrum are are defined and explained below: 

1. The Authoritarian Parenting Approach

The authoritarian parent gives commands, sets strict rules, and expects obedience with a firm, controlling approach. This style of parenting has historical roots, dating back to times when parents expected children to work with and for them.

Child behavior experts widely discredit this method, although some parents continue to use it today.  Research has shown that authoritarian parenting can cause problems like low self-esteem, behavior issues, and poor social skills in kids.

2. The Authoritative Parenting (Democratic) Approach

The authoritative or democratic parent has high expectations but balances it with emotional responsiveness and support. This approach is similar to the authoritarian style. It involves clear rules. The parent is also caring, engaged, and willing to communicate.

Authoritative parents enforce rules and expectations but do so with warmth and respect for their child’s individuality. Research shows that this parenting style has positive effects.

It leads to higher self-esteem in children. It also improves their school performance and social skills. Child development experts recommend this parenting style as it encourages independence, competence and socially responsible adults.

3. The Permissive Approach

The permissive technique sees the parent doing the opposite of an authoritarian parent. The permissive technique is almost an anything-goes approach. The child is free to do what they think is right with little or no intervention from the parents.

Some believe that this approach became popular after the World War II as a way to compensate for the hard lives and difficult times before the war. 

The APA says this style does not require mature behavior and avoids confrontations. Experts found that children who lack clear rules and expectations, e.g., boundaries,  have difficulty with self-control.  They struggle with regulating their behavior and have more behavioral problems.

4. The Uninvolved Approach

The uninvolved parenting technique is characterized by a lack of responsiveness and a low level of demand from parents. In this style, parents are often detached or indifferent to their child’s needs and behaviors, providing minimal guidance, nurturing, or attention. Uninvolved parents meet their child’s basic needs but are more likely to ignore their child’s emotional and developmental needs. This method can lead to a range of negative outcomes for children, including poor emotional regulation, low self-esteem, and academic difficulties.

Popular Parenting Methods

In recent years, two parenting techniques that have gained significant popularity are positive parenting and attachment parenting. Both methods share the intention to support children’s emotional and mental health.

Parenting Method: Positive Parenting

Positive parenting emphasizes creating a loving, supportive environment where children feel valued and respected. The goal of this method is to help children become resilient, have self-esteem, and promote healthy emotional well-being. 

The positive parenting method focuses on positive daily reinforcement instead of punishment.

Key principles of positive parenting include:

• Mutual Respect: Treating children with respect and expecting the same in return.
• Positive Discipline: Focusing on teaching and guiding rather than punishing. Mistakes are seen as opportunities for learning.
• Empathy and Understanding: Parents strive to understand their children’s feelings and perspectives, fostering a compassionate relationship.
• Encouragement and Support: Emphasizing encouragement and recognizing children’s efforts and achievements.

Key Practices: 

• Using praise and encouragement to reinforce good behavior
• Engaging in active listening and empathetic communication
• Implementing non-punitive discipline techniques, such as time-ins or natural consequences
• Building a positive parent-child relationship through mutual respect and understanding

Positive parenting closely aligns with authoritative parenting. Both approaches emphasize warmth, responsiveness, and clear expectations. However, positive parenting places a stronger focus on empathy and positive reinforcement rather than disciplinary measures.

Example of the use of this method with an authoritative strategy: 

Set clear expectations (a strategy) for your child while praising and encouraging (a method) them with the intention of reinforcing expectations. 

Parenting Method: Attachment Parenting

Attachment parenting focuses on creating a strong emotional connection with your baby. This helps to build a better relationship during their early years. This method is based on the belief that strong attachments in early childhood improve emotional control, social connections, and overall happiness.

Key Principles of Attachment Parenting:

• Emotional Bonding: Establishing a deep emotional connection with the child to foster a sense of security and trust.
• Responsive Caregiving: Being attuned to the child’s needs and responding promptly and appropriately to their cues.
• Physical Closeness: Maintaining close physical contact through practices like babywearing and co-sleeping to provide comfort and security.
• Consistent and Loving Care: Providing consistent, loving care from one or a few primary caregivers to ensure stability and trust.
• Empathy and Understanding: Understanding and empathizing with the child’s emotions and experiences to build a strong emotional foundation.
• Gentle Discipline: Using non-punitive methods to guide behavior, emphasizing understanding, cooperation, and teaching over punishment.
• Supportive Environment: Creating a supportive environment that encourages emotional and psychological growth.

Key Practices: 

• Breastfeeding:

  • Encourages breastfeeding to foster a close physical and emotional bond.
  • Provides the child with the comfort and nutrition they need while promoting a secure attachment.

• Babywearing:

  • Involves carrying the baby close to the parent’s body using a sling or carrier.
  • Promotes physical closeness and bonding while allowing the parent to respond quickly to the baby’s needs.

• Co-sleeping:

  • Sleeping with the baby, either in the same bed or in a separate but nearby sleep space.
  • Facilitates nighttime bonding and breastfeeding and provides a sense of security for the baby.

• Responsive Feeding:

  • Feeding the baby on demand rather than on a strict schedule.
  • The caregiver ensures that they promptly meet the baby’s needs, reinforcing trust and security.

• Sensitive Communication:

  • Being attuned to the baby’s cues and responding with sensitivity and empathy.
  • Helps the baby feel understood and secure, promoting emotional development.

• Gentle Discipline:

  • Using positive discipline techniques that focus on teaching and guiding rather than punishing.
  • Encourages cooperation and understanding, helping children learn appropriate behavior in a supportive manner.

The Principles of Attachment Parenting Apply at Any Age

• Strengthening emotional bonds
• Practicing empathy
• Being responsive to your teen’s needs. 
• Being sensitive when we communicate
• Being gentle with discipline
• Ensuring your teen has a supportive and nurturing environment.

The goal of attachment parenting is to build a strong bond and create a positive family-centric dynamic. 

In Practice: Parenting Methods vs. Strategies

Methods are flexible and can fit within the different strategies in the parenting spectrum.  They are techniques you use in your daily interactions with your children. For instance, an authoritative parent might:

Set clear expectations (a strategy) while praising and encouraging (a method) their child to reinforce expectations. 

Parents can support their child by following certain principles and practices. This will help promote their child’s well-being at any age.

 

The Modern Solution: Authoritative Parenting

If ever there was a parenting technique for the modern age, authoritative is it! It stands out as the most effective. While other styles may have been effective in the past, they fall short of meeting the needs of today’s families. 

For instance: 

• • You want to be more flexible and avoid being too strict,  as it can cause conflict, increase the risk of rebellion, and trigger defiance.
  • The permissive style lacks structure and boundaries. Children who are not taught to self-regulate and self-discipline have a hard time dealing with the pressures of school and modern life. The result, sadly, is unrealistic expectations and difficulty fitting in, which all lead to behavioral problems.
  • The uninvolved style creates attachment issues, low self-esteem, and an increased risk of behavioral and mental health issues. The effects of this style of parenting can be long-lasting into adulthood. Low self-esteem issues and trouble forming relationships leads to teens making  risky  choices with long-term consequences.

Key Aspects of Authoritative Parenting

1. Praise and Encouragement

One of the essential aspects of authoritative parenting is the emphasis on congratulating your child on their successes. Good behavior, like following rules, making safe choices, and helping others, should be recognized, acknowledged, and sometimes rewarded. This reinforcement encourages children to continue making good choices and builds their self-esteem.

2. Quality Time

Spend quality time, a phrase we hear often, it means means spending time with your child, but it must be meaningful, focused time to show your child they matter. Spending more time will help you to build a stronger relationship.

For example, spend time engaging with your kids, playing with them, and showing genuine interest in their hobbies, video games, or other interest and activities. Simply being in the same room while they play does not count as quality time. True quality time involves active participation and attention.

3. Consistency and Flexibility

It’s important to follow rules but also be flexible when needed to maintain a balance in different situations. Children crave consistency as it provides a sense of security, but they also appreciate the opportunity to voice their opinions and negotiate on certain occasions. Authoritative parents understand the importance of this balance, ensuring rules are clear but also allowing for reasonable flexibility.

4. Continuous Learning for Both Parent and Child

A democratic/authoritative parent understands that both they and their child are learning. This encourages them to improve their parenting to be more effective and enjoy their life with their children.

5. Individualized Approach

While it’s possible to list the aspects of a good parenting technique, one fact can never be ignored: every child is unique. The needs of each child must be taken into account. Arguing that one parenting technique fits all simply doesn’t work. Therefore, it’s important to find a parenting style that aligns with your values, and then adapt it to meet the specific needs of your child.

Parenting Approaches: Not One Size Fits All

Effective parenting is an ongoing journey of learning and adapting to the unique needs of your child. Our advice is to communicate positively, confront modern challenges in order to create and nurture an environment where your child can thrive. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, so find the strategies that work best for your family and be open to evolving as your child grows.

Here are additional resources you might be interested in:

Parenting Advice: Avoid these Most Common Parenting Mistakes

What are the Common Topics Taught in Parenting Classes? 

Parenting ADHD Kids and Creating a Positive Learning Environment